Neon Codex

Where digital meets classical.

Filtering by Tag: anxiety

—By a Thousand Cuts

—I fell off the map somewhere back in October, judging by the dates on my most recent blog posts. I realize now this was right before my grandmother’s funeral, which I unexpectedly flew to Buffalo for after she spent a weekend in the hospital, intubated and comatose, finally passing away in the night before my mother was able to reach the hospital, taking a Red Eye flight up from Dallas.

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Triptych: On Light and Shadows

I'm a rigid piece of work. I've been scared of basically everything for as long as I can remember and I'm way too sensitive. I think too much, about everything, and anyone else who is like this will know that analysis for its own sake won't bring any peace of mind. Like that classic image of a snake eating its own tail.

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July in Retrospect: Car Fires, Utopian Visions, and the Fourth

There's this quote at the beginning of The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin, where it gets its title. It essentially states, and I'm paraphrasing, that in Genesis the rainbow was a sign sent from God, a solemn promise, that He would never flood the earth again. That next time, He would simply set it on fire. Pardon my sacrilege, but that always struck me as kind of a fucked up trade-off.

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A Sketch of a Young Woman in Five Parts

They sat quietly across from each other in the busy restaurant. She was a pale, thin little girl with short, dark hair. She played absently with her food, deep inside of herself, making pretend with her potatoes and chunks of mangled broccoli. Her mother sat across from her, she was pretty and had long blonde hair and a pair of sunglasses turned up on the top of her head.

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The Temptation of Saint Anthony

His story becomes a living human parable, populated by impossible creatures and events, such as the ones I've described, illustrating a grander psychological reality. And the idea passes down through history, transforming naturally with the passage of each era and in the translation through each unique artistic voice. The Temptation of Saint Anthony has been immortalized for the past six-hundred years by master painters from every generation, stretching all the way from Bosch to his twentieth century descendants in Dalí, Carrington, and Ernst. Even the Renaissance Master Michelangelo's first painting, when he was just 13 years of age, was a rendition of Schongauer's copper engraving of Saint Anthony.  And it's influence of course hasn't been isolated to the world of painting, Gustave Flaubert alone spent the years of his life from the ages of 24 to 53, just 4 years short of his death, drafting and redrafting his novel based on the story. He considered The Temptation of Saint Antony his greatest achievement and, quite literally, his life's work. 

And it's in these transformations and mutations down through time that I think the real magic lies; the true fulfillment of Saint Anthony's lifelong journey, his walk across the delerious desert landscape which stretches now endlessly, along with his ultimate triumph, through the infinitude of human expression.

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System-Shock/Fragmentation

The broken people, the fragmented people. Subjected through information and technology to thousands of contradicting ideas and narratives, no main thread of consensus, no guiding principle or system of values. So many options and yet so few, left crippled in indecision by information and stimulation overload. Hung out on a limb by previous generations whose incentives were things; economic stability, financial comfort, jobs, college. Things which are in shorter and shorter supply, and are of less apparent intrinsic value. Everything is chaos now, fact is fiction, fiction is fact, the overwhelming urge is toward peace and understanding but what's manifesting in the world is destruction and ignorance. More and more people are suffering from depression, anxiety, and mental illness, as they struggle to articulate themselves socially, intellectually, and emotionally in an increasingly confusing and disorientating environment. I've decided I'll try and do something to address this. This terminally paralyzed and frantic generation, of which I am very much apart. The aspiring artists and entrepreneurs who've spent the first quarters and thirds of their lives reading book after book about their craft and trade, trying to learn how to live through the buffers of instruction manuals, without having taken a single step. The children of online self-help and routine inspirationEcho and Narcissus made one.

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